Recipe for Disaster

So you've got a dinner party coming up and you want to mix up a batch of Disaster Movie for your friends. Well let the 50 Foot Critic share his family recipe with you.

Timing is key in a disaster movie, warm weather is the best season for this recipe, and I prefer to use July myself. Once you've picked your season, you should sprinkle liberally with timely relevance. I'm partial to social relevance, myself but many others prefer a ecological reference, while some even prefer to use mans own hubris (but be careful, too much hubris and your recipe become Science Fiction, completely missing the disaster flavors). Once your relevance has settled into shape, it's time to mix in your characters.

The Naive intellectual hero is always a crowd pleaser. A scientist, unlucky at love, but with a smile as wide as your box office returns is sure to please any crowd. Make sure that they are no artificial additives to your hero, such as fashion sense, or social graces. These artificial additives can be spotted by an audience at 50 paces; a true chef knows that it is best to rely on natural ingredients. Mix in your hero with a wire whisk; a spoon or fork will prevent them from rising to the challenge as the recipe heats up.

How do you fully appreciate a naive hero without a grizzled or experienced counterpart? This is when fashion sense and social graces come into play; the experienced counterpart (or the foil as some chefs call them) has everything in their flavor that the naive intellectual hero is missing. This is the flavor that brings out the flavor of the naive hero, without the experienced hero, the naive hero doesn't have the charm to endear themselves to millions of movie goers. Fold this character into the mix, as they are a more prominent flavor in the recipe and should not be over whelmed by the other flavors.

When you mix two extremes like this, you need a middle ground to cleanse the palate. Sprinkle gently with the driven idealist, gently, as this character reacts with both the naive hero and the experienced counter part. If you over use this character, it could tip the balance of tension too heavily in one direction. Best to kill this character off early into the story at a properly dramatic moment. This is a character best suited to blues guitar music and leather jackets that show some mileage to them. Driven idealists are best when smoked, Marlboro Reds are the preferred seasoning, but in a pinch Camel Unfiltered or cigar smoke will do just fine. If this character has a slight twitch, or is prone towards vulgarity, that will make the moments before their death all the more impressive.

The final necessary component is the outsider who emphasizes with the other characters. Many chefs use a military stock for this portion of the recipe, but others have improvised with safe crackers, career criminals, and religious icons. The key to this portion of the recipe is to cleanse the palate between flavors. A properly used outsider will play the naive hero off of the experienced counterpart, and produce a moment of comedy with the driven idealist. This is the flavor needed to make your recipe zing with your dinner guests. One would expect this character to come across as smooth and well blended but it is best to grate this character into the recipe, so that the audience can pick them out easily (remember what your producer thinks is heart warming, is grating to the audience).

Here are some examples of recipes that have worked out well for chefs in the past. Serve them up to your friends and see how you make do with them!


The Core (2003)
Aaron Eckhard stars in this receipe where the Earth's Core has stopped spinning. A hot saucy dish best served with breads and a spicy soup. Fans looking for real dialogue should stay far away from this dish.


Independence Day (1996)
A Will Smith July 4th barbecue recipe, always a crowd pleaser. Best served with apples, and a healthy dose of patriotism. Look for more guest stars then your party has guests, this is a heavily laden on recipe, best served with custard.


Godzilla (1954)
For those looking for an ethnic flare to their party, this Kaiju never fails to raise an eyebrow. A hot and spicy treat as common at summer barbeques as aunt Ethel's infamous ham Jell-O salad. But be careful, this dish tends to repeat itself on you.


Leonard, Part 6 (1987)
Some chefs refuse to mention this Bill Cosby disastrous dish, but what summer barbeque is not complete without a dish dripping in rancid cheese? This is a dish best used sparingly, and only when you want your guests to vacate the property in haste. Truly, a cinematic disaster if there ever was one.

Bon appetite!

Everyone loves a Joker

The Dark Knight (2008)

Heath Ledger died a tragic and untimely death, but that is not what earns an actor an Oscar. An actor earns an Oscar through their skill distracting an audience from their day-to-day lives, as well as the social and political timing of their role. No actor ever earned an award without a good script, a solid director, and quality source material. Understanding these concepts we can conjecture that Ledger might possibly be in the running for a posthumous Oscar. If we add in the squealing fan vote, it's possible that he might pull off an Oscar for presenting us with an iconic a pulp villain.

Christopher Nolanhas learned from the success of his previous film, Batman Begins, that epic violence, a dark brooding hero, gritty police officers, and an operatic musical score will draw in box office cash. The Dark Knight cashes in on these cinematic conventions in excess. In a scene where we the audience would expect a car crash, we are shown a truck crash. Where we would expect bank robbers to 'rat' on their accomplices, the accomplices are murdered. Where we would expect a building to explode, we are shown a citywide apocalypse. Where we would expect a man, we are shown the epitome of chaos and destruction in a purple suit.

Occasionally in movies and literature a supporting character will out shine the main character, the director or writer does not plan for it but it happens. Darth Vader is iconic, while Luke Skywalker kissed his sister. Harrison Ford was the Fugitive, but Tommy Lee Jones was in the sequel. John Conner may be the man destined to save the world, but the Terminator is the name of the franchise. In The Dark Knight we see the return of Christian Bale and Gary Oldman but the audience is there to see a dead man in white face paint. The audience wants to root for the iconic villain, but his actions make them pause in their seats. His behavior is abhorrent to modern American standards, for he is clearly a terrorist destroying our way of life. But he is the focal point of the movie; one cannot watch the movie without focusing on his behavior.

Nolan buries the audience in foibles and situations about the lengths a man will go to achieve his goals. We are shown an honest man pushed beyond the limits of sanity, as he watches loved ones die. We are shown a man with noble goals who questions his actions, and we see a man who pushes others beyond their emotional limits because it amuses him to do so. In the present day our evening news is beleaguered with stories of men who went over the line in the course of achieving what they perceive to be justice, or an honest profit. Ledger was presented with a character ripped from the headlines, and painted in garish colors to turn the evening news into a palatable caricature so that it might amuse you the audience. Ledger embraced his role with a zeal that the Batman franchise has never been graced with. His transformation is complete; He disappears into his purple suit and hides in plain sight as a man without a past. The audience and the Batman are left guessing as to what the Jokers agenda truly is.


The secret to the creation of a good story is to have an origin, a conflict, and a resolution. Similarly, a good comedian knows when the joke has scored with the audience, and they know when exit the stage. Perhaps the Joker is the greatest comedian ever, because he left the stage before we had even heard the joke.

Off the Air

Everyone hates to admit that they watch television, but we all pay our monthly cable television bill so that we can visit with our pixelated serial friends every week. Over the years television has been a friend, a lover, and a vile enemy to each and every one of us. We've laughed with the television, we've cursed at the television, and we've starred at the television in dumbfounded shock. Here are some of my favorite shows that were thrown off the air before their time.



Aaron Sorkin made his fame with West Wing, a television series based in a fictional White House, but before that he showed us what life might be like behind the scenes of an evening sports news program. Sports Night showed us 30minute vignettes of an adult drama series disguised as a sports comedy. Characters had a life to them that network television in 1998 was not accustomed to. Audiences were presented with a series loaded with interpersonal drama that did not nauseate or make them want to change the channel due to the characters being unbelievable. Sorkin proved to the network, that a laugh track wasn't needed to make a comedy series comical.



These days’ folk talk casually about considering making an emergency kit, setting up a family meeting place, and what their zombie plan consists of. The town of Jericho Kansas has to make these plans a reality as unknown forces detonate several nuclear weapons on American soil. The post September 11th fears of terrorism have become reality for a small midwestern town, and they have to make tough decisions on how to go forward with their lives. Everyone who was forced to read Lord of the Flies in high school has considered "what they would do if...” Fans of this series were able to get it put back on the air, but when piggie lost the conch the series faded from view.



Fifteen years ago a hormone driven plague decimated the population of the world, and a young boy named Jeremiah had to fend for himself. Based on the comic book series by Hermann Huppen Jeremiah is a tale of a wanderer who shows us a world where the schoolyard bullies have taken over, and it's everyone for themselves. When children are left to shape the world without the aid of their elders, what might possibly happen? Jeremiah is our tour guide to this new world the audience discovers the plot and the pockets of humanity that have survived as our title character discovers them. At times the show relies heavily on realism, and at other times realism is forgotten in an effort to further the plot line, though the entertainment is consistently solid.



Who doesn't remember a children's television show with cute animal puppets that taught us how to count and to spell? Well Greg the Bunny is not your parents puppet animal show, it's a satirical and often profane take on children's television. Much like those puppet shows of our youth, these puppets teach us valuable lessons about life. But this time we learn about violence in the work place, alcohol use, psycho girlfriends, and dysfunctional father son interactions. If you've ever wanted to see have your childhood memories mocked and desecrated, this is the comedy series for you.



Fox Television has a habit of releasing edgy adult cartoons that mock the establishment, and eventually strangle their own funding off the air. John Luvitz lent his voice to the title character of The Critic. Jay Shermin, a balding, overweight, single father movie critic mocked his way through a Sunday night time slot. It must have been difficult for this show to gain sponsors, as it would mock each and every one of them during its short run. Eventually Fox cancelled the series, as it has countless other intelligent and well written storylines. No doubt Fox has earned the ire of their own character, ”it stinks."